Jul 20, 2004
I haven't updated in a while, but i think I'll just talk about whats going on now with my life. Currently I'm working myself out of the world yet again because I fell heavily into it sadly but yet never loosing faith I would come out. Mike from church (the one who plays in the worship band) called me out of the blue yesterday and was talking about interest in our band Magdalene. We havent actually practiced like this whole summer, but we are starting up this week and he just so happens to want to try it out. I just sold my drums so whenever I get that compensation then I am going to seek purchasing a violin. here goes the band line up as i want it to be
acacia: vocals
mike: vocals lead guitar
sylvia: violin vocals
John: ryhthm guitar ( i really cant spell )
jose: drums
we dont have a bassist but oh well, who needs em eh? I'm really hopeful about this experience because right now in trying to fix my life I am diving into music and today i actually want to read some scripture after I take a nap, im tired. I've also been coming up with lyrics and I'm just waiting for the moment they flow out of me. ahh I'm very happy. Today is my last day teaching the eaglettes :tear: oh well i hope that they enjoy my dance and bring it to justice. They are really getting good at it. =)! I'm hungry i think i may go and eat at my cafe later. They really need business everyone go check them out ok? <3!
Posted at 09:25 am by inhishadow
Apr 18, 2004
You know, i'm glad that God is merciful i just wish i wouldnt take advantage of his grace sometimes. One day he wont forgive me anymore :( i hope i can fix myself before then. DONT get me wrong i love myself i just hate how i put myself in bad situations... this song is a sign of self expression for this period in my life
"the reason ~ HOobAsTAnK"
I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you
I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You [x4]
I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you
I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is youPosted at 12:44 pm by inhishadow
Feb 28, 2004
yesterday was awesome went bowling with Jesse, Laura and Brian. then came home went with ashes to dollar tree then went and hung out with Nick and Laura moved some stuff to Lauras and then went to skatepark. Adam from Taking Back Sunday was there, funny how i didnt even know his name until last night. I mean I like their music and I think they rock but yeah im not into the psycho obsessive thing where I find out all the info on the bands I listen to music I like and thats the extent of it.
I thought that i would be really different around him, but i wasnt. I made a comment about his dr. perky and at the time i felt dumb because here he is some "famous" person but yeah that wore off quick. He is just like everyone else and yeah it was cool to meet him, but everyone in kville met him to so go me! haha Im kidding it gave me a rush the thought of meeting someone famous even though i didnt act different around him or anything. yeah first famous person i met so whoopty for me!
Went to lauras and chilled spent the night. it was like old time sake good stuff. came home and tired as poo i think i should take a shower i stink yeah peace. Posted at 04:56 pm by inhishadow
Feb 25, 2004
Got a call this morning that I was going to be offered a job at North Main Cafe and that I would be on a probationary period for the job !!! So that was a great way to start off my day, also i was in a clinic with the School of the Arts today. It was soo awesome. I loved it soo much I learned a lot. I felt a little intimidated after the NCSA people left though because people were questioning my judgement and ability to dance. i dont know why i let things get to me like that. I really shouldn't :(
Anywho, today was awesome, minus the fact I missed church I was really upset about that. I talked to them and they said that I could get Wednesday nights off and the dates that i will give them ahead of time for the play and other things, so i feel comfortable with that.
I hope everything works out and if not Mike can get me a few hours a week at the theater because he is quiting there and i can take his spot and what not. :)! I thank God for all of this. I hate that I can't focus on him all the time like i want to, its something i am really attempting to do though, discipline myself. Posted at 08:56 pm by inhishadow
Feb 23, 2004
Question 1:
If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids
already, three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had syphilis, would you recommend that she have an abortion?
Read the next question before looking at the response for this one.
Question 2:
It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote counts. Here are the facts about the three candidates.
Candidate A
Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologists.
He's had two mistresses. He also chain smokes
and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.
Candidate B
He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used
opium
in
college
and
drinks a quart of whiskey every evening.
Candidate C
He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't
smoke,
drinks
an
occasional beer and never cheated on his wife.
Which of these candidates would be your choice?
Decide first... no peeking,
then scroll down for the response.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt.
Candidate B is Winston Churchill.
Candidate C is Adolph Hitler.
And, by the way, on your answer to the abortion question:
If you said YES
you just killed Beethoven.
Pretty interesting isn't it? Makes a person think before
judging
someone.
I thought that was pretty cool, tried out for all county dance today it was pretty bad, i had an off day, i need to teach myself discipline because i do way too many things i shouldnt adios amigos!
Posted at 11:02 pm by inhishadow
Feb 18, 2004
All week I have been worried about performing tonight at church and now that it is over i feel awesome. I let go and it sounded so right the music and emotion and everything it made me feel happy, and hopefully God smiled and said yeah thats how you rock it out!!! \m/ hehe i can only hope.
I got accepted to UNCG, which i still need to call my aunt about anywho.. and I am really happy about that because i was worried about paying for other college applications as well. I talked to Mrs. Mortimer about me not being able to dance last game of the season and we got through it all.
I'd like to take this time to say I love Scott, and I love what God has blessed him with I love his messages and I love how his messages touch me when I need them in my life. <3 it is a blessing to be able to hear him preach.
PLUS: thanks to all those who came to see Grave Angel perform tonight: Shari, Doug, Ashleigh, Chris (thanks for taking pics ;), Jennifer (thanks for video taping), Brian, and thanks to Acacia for delievering awesome vocals at the last minute too :)! love you all
Posted at 10:06 pm by inhishadow
Feb 16, 2004
Procrastination CONQUERED!
Everything is going well right now. I turned in another Job Application and applied to ECU. I am about to go upstairs and send off to take the SAT's again. Things are pretty awesome. Grave Angel is playing at the church this wednesday and if you didnt know that is my band :)! I am so happy that I am finally going to be able to show people how strong my love and faith and everything is in Christ and his happiness I hope people can feel what I feel...Here are the lyrics to the song incase you guys cant be there or dont know what I am saying//
"Dislocated"
Why do i feel so absent at heart
fainting only to hear your voice
i want to be with you for all eternity
Equivocating my words
to fit in the puzzle again
why must I greif over things you've forgotten
I was meant to live
instead of slowly dying
opposing incinuations
you are always on my mind
conjure up the spirit again
i'm winning faith just merely existing
discovered my own vice
got to break away from this world
soak in your resolution
holding tight to those i love
i'm apart of your aparition
Even though you're here with me
I can't feel at all
I need your love right now
Though you've told me time and time again
One more notification could jump start my motivation
I've got to break away
Break away
Conjure up the spirit again
Break away
Break away
Ok that's it, its my way of trying to express my struggles with trying to be an earthly christian which there is no such thing; which i found out haha// okie dokie.. I love you all God Bless and peace//InHiShadow
Posted at 09:05 pm by inhishadow
Feb 14, 2004
Shovels Chocolate In Her Face ::BURP::
Ok so today is Valentines day... WOOHOO! I am just so happy to say that I dont feel the need to have anyone. :)! i know you people probably dont care but yeah it makes me happy to know I can be content with waiting on whomever God wants me to be with.
I havent updated in a while because I really didnt have a lot of time. So lets catch up in the life of Sylvia... eeeww just ate a piece of chocolate with nuts in it... ugh...
I was fired from my job. Not because of my work ethic mind you but she wanted me to be there 5 days a week and I told her before I wasnt going to sacrifice my time with God (church wednesday), and so that is over. I am looking for jobs and there seems be a lot where I dont look.. heh..
Last night was the final night that I could have had to dance. Picture it.... I have been dancing on the Dance Team 3 years.... I started the dance team... there wouldnt be a dance team if it wasnt for me. and yet... I wasnt allowed to dance last night, the final game, supposidly "my night" I cant tell you how devistated I was... i cried from 3:30 that afternoon til 9 at night. I didnt have a 'parent' there to escort me like everyone else did. They forgot that i was supposed to be honored and left me out til after the dancers danced. It was just horrible. I am really glad that Jesse and Acacia remembered me talking about it and showed up to support me it meant SOO much.
I think everything happens for a reason, or a purpose and I am thinking that maybe this is way of getting my attention and God letting me though that if I am soo dedicated in dance and I am able to give all of myself to it and perfecting it, then I should be able to do the same with him despite my doubts. It also showed me that I dont have to have a physical family... I still get emotional about it and I am trying to let it go but yeah it does hurt to not have a mother and a father. It just helps to know i can have a family in Christ and a family that is more loving and accepting than anyone else. It was probably the worst night of my life thus far, but I think it will just help me grow more than ever, it was a huge step. ok yeah I stink at this stuff.
btw thanks to those of you who actually stopped by and read my journal it makes me very happy to know I'm not writing for my own health :)! //InHiShadow
Posted at 10:37 am by inhishadow
Feb 4, 2004
Today I was thinking about a lot of things. One thing I finally decided i would accept is people and their opinions on me. For example.... many people (not my christian friends though) think I am a bad christian that I am supposed to be something so much better and that I should know the bible back and front and have every single answer to their questions, but I dont. I am working on getting deeper in my religion but I am not there yet. It just really bothers me that people can judge, ahh I can never say what I mean in words or type them in letters. I am just saying, most people think I am not the best christian and to get to the point I was making before I would rather be viewed in others eyes as a bad christian for many reasons #1// at least they know that I am a christian #2// being viewed as a deep spritual follower who knows pretty much everything about my religion often gets people confused and think that they should be followers of a person rather than a soul follower of Christ and Christ alone #3// I want to give all the glory to Christ ALWAYS, i never want to be percieved as a good christian because in all honesty there is no such thing, some of you may beg to differ, but I dont think there is. If any of us were to be complete and total christians we would have to change everything about our lifestyle and basically go to extremes etc, and I dont know anyone who does that, everyone always compromises with this world whether they are willing to admit it or not.
I want a deeper relationship with God, I am just thinking about if/when I do get to where I want to be with God and I know pretty much everything about the bible and what not, I dont think I want it to be publically known, i dont want to be a 'role model'. My friend told me the other day that when i was in the gym dancing about a group of 4 girls were talking about me saying that i was really awesome and that they wanted to be just like me. That kind of scared me #1// (yes here I go with numbers again) It was scary to know i had such an influence on anyone #2// I think that they should follow Christ and not me. EVER, because I am not by all means perfect so it would be easy to be just like me, its not easy, however, to be like Christ therefore he is a model we should follow.
OK I am done rambling no one ever reads this anywho... bye bye//InHiShadow
Posted at 04:39 pm by inhishadow
Jan 27, 2004
I wish i knew all these artists I listen to all the time but its cool. Jesse gave me some really cool punk stuff i never really was into before. I really am interested in starting up a jazzy blues band that i could play violin in and what not. I think that would be really cool.
I was thinking since I have all this emotion about my faith i should write about it and maybe get some advice from others. For awhile i hated telling other people how i felt because i felt as if i was buggin them and i felt guilty.. so hmm// lets talk about guilt. I seem to take things to heart, well I used to take everyting a lot more to heart than i do now. For instance, while at the Relient K concert when viewing just the mere preview of The Passion of Christ I burst into tears uncontrolably. It just made me so emotional to know that everything he does for us and everything we do for him and how unbalanced it is. I dont know why but that always gets to me. Also for awhile I was in a state of not being able to stop habits that I had prior to becoming a christian. But since viewing that at the concert and in church and crying again. I said something to my friend that I will never forget. We were talking about religion and what not and I said I dont care what anyone says, if he died for me, I will do anything for him. Then I started realizing i need to practice what i preach so to speak. Granted Im not perfect andI dont always read my bible like I should, at least I got rid of some guilt. Yes his crucifixtion still haunts me, but I am not always constantly thinking about how horrible of a person I am, just some of the time :).
Ok now i remembered why i didnt ever post things about what i thought in here before its because it doesnt come off right and I probably left out a few things but ehh... no one really reads my blog anywho. but if you just so happen to and want to comment its cool, i know im hard to understand
Posted at 11:26 am by inhishadow
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